Emotional Days

I'm not sure why, but I've been really emotional all week. Being a parent and feeling like you're good at it isn't easy. I struggle so much knowing my husband would work to allow me to stay at home with Portlin but my job is wonderful and my benefits are even better. The first three months of Portlin's life have flown by. Obviously in the first two months he got the attention he deserved from mommy but babies mostly sleep so it was easy. Since I've been back to work, we've not had much time to focus on the real meat and potatoes of learning with Portlin. He hasn't had much tummy time or play time and you can see it in his abilities. We've been so focused on getting his acid reflux under control that we've missed the boat on playing with toys, learning to hold his head up, and reaching for things. I've turned into a worry wart this week because Benjie noticed Portlin's head is flat from where he lays all the time. I'm thinking it's time for another doctor's appointment. Dr. Campbell told us, at all his other appointments, that he is doing well but I still worry. I guess it's better safe than sorry.
Portlin has always had strong neck muscles but we are noticing he isn't using his arms like we think he should. He will grasp a toy but doesn't seem interested in reaching for it or playing with it. He brings his hands to his mouth but doesn't seem interested in doing much else with them. Benjie has noticed that he can bring both of his hands to his mouth when his right hand leads but if you hold back his right arm his left arm seems confused. During tummy time he bears more weight on the right arm than the left one. I really hope we are just being paranoid.
While watching videos yesterday of other three month olds, I stumbled across some other very sad ones. People post memorial videos of their babies who have passed away from SIDS or due to still births. It's terrifying to watch. One video led to a mother's blog about losing her eight week old to SIDS. I cried watching Portlin sleep last night because I began to think about what I would do if something terrible like that happened to my precious boy. Benjie reminded me that if you can't prevent SIDS and it's God's will to bring him home, there is nothing I can do, so stop worrying! Easier said than done. I don't know how many times I have to tell myself the internet can be such a wonderful/terrible thing!
For now I'm going to continue to work with Portlin and I'll be calling to make him an appointment with the doctor soon. If I don't like what I hear, we may consider another opinion. Looking at him, you wouldn't think there is anything to worry about. Here's a picture of my sweet angel!

3 Months Old

 Portlin turned 3 months old yesterday!

 

Age: 3 months

Height: 24 5/8

Weight: 14 lbs. 13 oz

Milestones: Portlin loves to smile and giggle. He likes watching football with daddy and loves the outdoors. He and daddy go for a walk just about every night and water the flowers together.He also likes taking baths with mommy, for now!

Sleep: He is still a good sleeper. Eats between 6:30-7:30 each night and asleep by 8:00-8:30. Sleeps until 2:00-2:30, eats and then straight back to bed. Usually awake and raring to go for the day by 5:30-6:00.

Best Moment: I love to hear Portlin laugh. I have a video of him giggling that I watch everyday at work when I think of him!
Worst Moment:  He still hates his car seat. Mommy has to ride in the back to keep him from crying.
Health: Um..... almost 15 pounds at 3 months. I'd say he is healthy! Everyone thinks he is 5 months. He is my healthy buddy that's for sure. 

Eating: He eats like a champ obviously. Daddy tells people we've had to chain down the kitchen sink to keep him from eating it. He gets oatmeal with each bottle. I'm sure he'll be eating baby food early!

Teeth: No teeth yet.

Extra comments: Portlin is such a joy. He is becoming his own person each and everyday and I thank God for my precious little baby boy!

Grateful

My heart is heavy today for a sweet little boy and his family. Although I've never met Lane Goodwin, I feel like I know him through his mom's post on his facebook page. Now that I'm a mom, I can't even imagine what that family is going through. There are so many children affected by cancer, it doesn't seem fair! I pray for peace and comfort for Lane and his family and any others dealing with cancer.
I am taking the time to thank God today for my wonderful little miracle and to pray that I never have to face the "monster" that Lane's family has had to face. It took a lot of time, tears, and faith for me to receive Portlin and I couldn't bare the thought of giving him up at such an early age. Thank you Lord for my precious little boy!
We made it back to church this Sunday and it was a welcomed change in our ever so changing routine. Portlin did well in the nursery. Of course mommy had to check in but the nursery volunteers had it under control. I am so appreciative of my church family and those willing to watch my child. I look forward to the days when Portlin understands what it means to love and live for God. We have two sweet angels living with God and I look forward to the day that I can explain to Portlin that his angel siblings brought his mommy and daddy closer to the man upstairs and allowed us to realize the importance of making sure he grows up in church. The wonderful people at Edgewood will no doubt be instrumental in making Portlin the man he will be one day. For that I'm Grateful!

My Heart Today

Well Portlin went to the doctor Tuesday and Dr. Campbell says we weren't putting enough oatmeal in his bottle. I'm not sure where we went wrong but apparently Mrs. Betty's recommendations weren't exactly accurate! We've made the changes and it seems to be working. I think this too is just a temporary fix until his body decides it's done with that solution but I hope I'm wrong!  He seems to be doing well, and we've recently discovered he loves watching cartoons in the morning.

On a different note, my heart is both overjoyed and saddened all at the same time today. A good friend gave birth to her son today. Seeing her picture and the joy on her face reminds me of how special having a child really is.  Another friend posted on her blog that she and her husband were not chosen, again, as adoptive parents. My heart just breaks for her because I know how badly she wants children and I know the feeling of disappointment she has. When I read things like that it makes me want to reach out to all the women in the world who have difficulties getting pregnant or who are dealing with the adoption process. I know it can be so heart breaking! I want to be that success story that gives them hope and makes them understand that our God is an awesome God. We are on his timeline and he knows what's best and one day those women will see the whole picture just as I have. Help me pray for those special people who are struggling right now with infertility and disappointment. Pray they receive peace and understanding through faith in our Lord.

First Day

After reading several blogs over the last few months I thought I'd give blogging a chance myself.  Today begins another day of battling my son's acid reflux.  After several weeks of normalcy he is back to throwing up, so back to the doctor he goes.
It's hard to believe Portlin is almost 3 months old already. It's been full of highs and lows but I can honestly say now that I can't thank God enough for the wonderful, most perfect and precious gift he has given me.  After experiencing two miscarriages, endometriosis, and a long battle with mono I wasn't sure I would ever get to this place. The first two pregnancies came easy but obviously didn't last long. It took us six months to receive the news of our special little boy. I remember the day so vividly. Benjie cried as usual and I was so overjoyed but it was tough. Knowing that I have had two miscarriages it made me so apprehensive. I knew I would have to take shots daily and continue my aspirin regimen. Luckily it worked and my pregnancy was fairly pleasant until the last two weeks. Poor fella didn't want to make his entrance into the world on his own, so after being two weeks overdue I was scheduled for induction.  Still, stubborn like his momma, he wanted to stay put, so I ended up having a c-section. The procedure itself wasn't so bad but the recovery took a lot longer than I would have wanted. I've been itching for life to get back to normal but I've realized, my old normal will never be again.
My evenings are filled by dinner preparation, bottle washing, baby feeding, and laundry usually. By then momma doesn't feel much like working out like she use to! During our fertility journey Benjie and I were able to start a weight loss journey as well. We both lost a lot of weight. I was feeling pretty good about myself, so the change in my body after pregnancy wasn't welcomed and it's been difficult to embrace the new me. The motivation I once had is gone. I'd have to say that's been the most difficult part of having Portlin. I just have to look at his precious face and listen to his sweet giggle to remember it was all worth it. I truly can't imagine life without him now. He is the center of my world and I feel like the luckiest woman on earth to have him and his daddy.

Since Portlin's birth a lot has gone on so here's a little background about him.  He was born at 2:48 pm at the Bowling Green Medical Center. He weighed 8 pounds and 10 1/2 ounces and was 20 inches long.  At his last doctors appointment just after his two month mark, he weighted 14 pounds and 4 ounces and was 24 inches long. Our little buddy isn't so little anymore. He loves watching tv (especially football) and the fan keeps him entertained for a while. He loves his babysitter Mrs. Peggy and his Papaw Parker can make him laugh so hard. He barely fits in 3 month clothes. We tried his Halloween costume on him. Unfortunately it fits now which means it probably won't in two months. What a blessing to have a healthy baby. We continue to struggle with his acid reflux but it isn't something we can't handle. Dad is taking him back to the doctor since he started throwing up again yesterday and wasn't able to hold down any food last night.  An update will follow later. Here are some pictures of our little buddy that are special to mom.

1 month

2 month

I'm a big boy. Trying to hold my own bottle.

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Not liking our costume too much!