Being A Parent Can be Tough

I've already figured out being a parent means constant worry! If it isn't one thing it's another. For several months I've had concerns about Portlin's use of his arms and legs. I realize he is by no means severely delayed developmentally but I've noticed he doesn't bare weight on his limbs like I think he should. His regular pediatrician said there was no cause for concern but we saw the nurse practitioner the day after Thanksgiving and she suggested he be evaluated by first steps.

Portlin's evaluation went well but it means that we will have to take him from his current babysitter. It breaks my heart thinking about it. I know she loves Portlin and would never harm him intentionally but the environment his is in is not ideal for him and this point. He has been restricted way too much which has contributed to his slight delays. Since he shares time with older kids, the babysitter leaves him in his car seat most of the day to prevent the others from bothering him. While that sounds like a novel idea when you really think about it, he can't move and explore like he needs to in a car seat. After many attempts to change his daily activities, I've noticed I'm getting no where. His babysitter has a lot of experience and has kept many kids so the saying you can't teach an old dog new tricks is true in this instance. She thinks Portlin is too big and will develop when he wants to. I'm not ok with that. I will never settle for less when it comes to Portlin.

The PT gave me some suggestions as far as exercises to complete at home with him. He hates them but I think Portin can be a little lazy because he is such a content baby. Always happy until you make him stretch out of his comfort zone. Another part of his problem. I need someone who isn't afraid to make him cry now and then. I think his babysitter loves him too much because it's obvious she couldn't stand to see him upset yesterday.

I don't know what the future holds for Portlin but I know as a mom I'm going to do whatever I can to provide the best opportunities for my baby boy. I love him too much not to!

Bitter Sweet Day

It's been a while since I've posted but today seemed to be a good day because I have lots to say.

First, I'd like to rejoice in the fact that our sweet angel Amelia would have been 2 years old today. Although I was only 12 weeks pregnant when we learned of her passing, we already picked out a name so we have always felt our baby was a girl. After losing our second sweet baby, times were definitely dark for us both. For me, I struggled longer with the idea of never having a baby. I was never mad at God for taking her because I knew one day I would know his reason. However, I was angry at him for blessing those I felt weren't deserving. As more people and friends around me received their blessing my heart ached more and more. For a long time I wrestled with emotions not even my husband understood. Night after night, reading facebook posts about pregnancy I cried. When will it be my turn God?

I began to set a timeline that gave me something to look forward to. We discovered that I was pregnant in March and on May 13, 2010 we learned our baby no longer had a heartbeat. I wanted to be pregnant again by my due date November 28, 2010. That date passed me by. As a matter of fact, I was very ill. In and out of doctors appointments. My body didn't seem to be bouncing back from the miscarriage. I finally had surgery in December for my Endometriosis. I read that after this surgery women tend to get pregnant faster, so I wanted to be pregnant by March, the month I found out I was pregnant last. All the while I was still very ill. I became very depressed because I felt so bad and I wasn't getting answers from the doctors. I went through so many tests but finally in February the doctor told me I had Mono and another virus. Finally I had a diagnosis and I could continue my recovery and begin trying for a baby again. March came and went. Even though I felt better I started thinking, I'm not ready to start trying again. My body had been through so much. My heart and mind had also changed. During this long process Benjie and I started attending Edgewood again. God showed me that he is never failing and the hurt in my heart melted away. I began to realize my life isn't on my own timeline, it's on his. He will provide for me when it's right. I noticed a change in Benjie as well. His outlook had changed and he began living for the Lord. Finally, a reason for the loss of our sweet Amelia. To save her parents! Benjie rededicated his life to the Lord and was publicly baptized. We became members at Edgewood, all the while still trying for God's miracle.

Month after month there came disappointment. Struggling to keep our faith in September we took our annual anniversary trip. This year we decided to go to Portland, OR. What a beautiful place to witness God's wonder btw! It was our special week, but I decided I won't ruin our trip in worrying about baby making processes. We drove all over, seeing Crater Lake, Multnomah Falls, fishing on the Columbia River, Seaside and much more. What a relaxing trip we had.

October came and I knew by the calendar it was time to get serious again. We had a relaxing vacation to get away from it all and now it's time to really try. Only, this time mother nature didn't pay me a visit! The test was positive! I woke Benjie that morning. Showed him the test and told him he was going to be a dad! Again! We both cried. The first 12 weeks were long. We wanted so bad to share our wonderful news but we knew from before it's best to make sure. I went through a lot to sustain my pregnancy but obviously on June 20, 2012 we welcomed our third child into this world!

Our loveable Portlin Benjamin Parker is 5 months and 8 days old!

Height: 27 1/4 inches

Weight:18 lbs. 14 oz.

Milestones: Portlin has started eating solids. He loves carrots, will tolerate green beans, and hates squash! He can almost sit up on his own, almost like a little tripod. If you put his hands between his legs he'll balance himself for several seconds.

Sleep: We had a few rough nights this last month because of his teeth but he is back on schedule. Mommy and Daddy get a full 7 hours!

Best Moment: I still love to see him smile at me. I love when I go get him for his night feeding he will place his arms around my neck as if he were giving me a hug. Sweetest thing ever!
Worst Moment:  He has his second ear infection. Trying to give him medicine is like trying to feed a wild hyena!
Health: Except for the ear infection, he is a VERY healthy boy.

Eating: Doing great! Hopefully we can introduce some fruits to his diet starting next week. 

Teeth: 3 NOW! His bottom two are very visible and the top tooth has barely broke through the gum.

Extra comments: The holidays are approaching very quickly and we are so excited! Although Portlin doesn't understand the meaning of Santa yet, we look forward to his first Christmas with us! He has already had his picture made with Santa and will be having holiday photos taken for our Christmas cards with Mrs. Sally this weekend!

Here's a picture of the big guy!

Portlin was also dedicated at church on November 18th! What a stud muffin!

 


Here are some pics from his first Thanksgiving.

My Big Boy

Portlin weighed 17.4 pounds and is 25 7/8 inches long. He got a good report from the doctor today. He is so healthy. Here's hoping he doesn't get sick from the Rota Virus again!

It's Been A Year

It's been a year since we learned I was pregnant with Portlin. I can't even believe that I have him now. Sometimes I have to pinch myself when I look at him. He is just so perfect! While I was getting ready this morning, I reflected on the last year. I almost forgot some of the things I've been through. October 24, 2011 I was admitted to the hospital at almost 8 weeks of pregnancy because Dr. Sheth thought I could be having a stroke. The left side of my face went numb during the middle of the night. It was scary to say the least. Benjie was working and unable to meet me at the hospital right away, so my second mom, Patti, came to be with me. I remember calling Dr. Stice in a panic because they were going to do an MRI and CT Scan. You don't do those things when you're pregnant right? He assured me that everything was going to be ok! I found out it wasn't a stroke and I was released the next day. Dr. Stice thought it was an atypical migraine.

Several weeks later during a doctors appointment we were given information about doing some genetic testing to see if the baby could have a chance for Down Syndrome, Trisomy 18 & 13. Here's where I would encourage people to do the research about what the test is really telling you. We were under the assumption we would get either a positive or negative result. Not exactly the case. The nurse called to tell me that my tests came back positive. I didn't know it but, a positive result doesn't mean you are having a downs baby. It only means that based on your blood evaluation, your age, and several other factors, I was at a higher risk for having a downs baby. A 1 in 170 chance to be exact. After many tears and an explanation from Dr. Stice we started meeting with a high risk OBGYN, Dr. Robinson. She explained our options as far as further testing but we already knew we weren't going to risk the life of our child no matter what! Somewhere around the 15-20 week mark they do an ultrasound to measure different things on the baby which gives you a better idea if your child could have downs. Portlin measured perfect in all areas. I must admit, a weight was lifted from my shoulders. I always kept the thought in the back of my mind but I just knew God hadn't chosen us for a special needs child. We were cleared from seeing the high risk doctor. Hallelujah! 

On a regular visit we got a surprise from nurse Lindsey! She got us in for an ultrasound to see what we were having. We went straight to the bakery to get cakes that said It's A Boy. We had dinner with Aunt Heather and Uncle Adam and revealed to them, the Parker name will go on! We were so excited. My nesting mood kicked in way early and by February Portlin's nursery was complete! Even with all the craziness through my pregnancy I would have to say it was a pretty pleasant experience overall.

I've been meaning to contact nurse Ruth that took care of Portlin while we were in the hospital. That woman was an angel! We asked her for an email address before we left but she said she was leaving the hospital to take a teaching job with the university and didn't have her new address yet. I've learned a thing or two being married to a background investigator. After a quick search through the nursing staff email list I found her! Here's our conversation.

Ruth,

I am so glad I found your email. You took care of my son (Portlin) while we were at The Medical Center. I wanted to send you a few pictures and give you an update on him. Hope all is well with you and the new career.

The first two pictures are newborn pictures we had taken of him. The last one is a recent photo we took this weekend. He weighs 15 pounds 1.5 oz. 25 1/8 inches long. He is so healthy! He talks and giggles so much. He will be 4 months on October 20^th! He is such an awesome gift from God!

We can look back now and laugh but we had a rough first night at home with him. I remember you telling us how good he was, that he never cried! We watched the sun come up that next morning after leaving the hospital. I thought for sure they had sent the wrong child home with me! I guess the new environment just wasn’t as good as having Mrs. Ruth take care of him! It took a few weeks but we have since adjusted very well! He wakes only once at night to eat and is right back to sleep. He goes to bed at 7:30 and wakes for the day at 5:30-6:00. He is so happy and hardly ever cries. He has already gotten an ear infection, but you would never have known it. Thank goodness I was that first time worry wart mother and took him in for a runny nose!

Anyhow, thanks so much for everything you did for us while we were at the Medical Center. I am sure they were sad to see you go! I know I cried when we got in the car. I wanted to bring you home with us!

Thank you for the update and photos! You made my day and week! I can’t believe how Portlin has grown-he looks so amazing. Absolutely adorable! I’m sure the only reason he was up the first night at home was because he had rested well on the way home and didn’t want to miss anything. 

While I am enjoying my new role here (and still get to see babies in the nursery during clinical time with my students) I still very much miss the opportunity to meet fine folks like you and help care for precious little ones like your Portlin. It thrills me to see him so happy and healthy. He is just as cute as I remembered him!

Take care and give him an extra hug and kiss from me. Enjoy these fun years as they fly by so quickly! And take care of yourself too!

So good to hear from you. God bless you and your sweet family!

Ruth

Of course I cried!  Here is one of the pictures I sent her. Such a big boy!

That Time of Year

Well I finally broke down and took Portlin to the doctor again on Monday. After waking up to him with a screeching cough Saturday night I figured I better go just to make sure. Glad I did. Little buddy had an ear infection. He had a snotty nose for a week but I just figured it was that time of year for children to be snotty. All the kids at the sitters were too. Guess I should count my blessings. Portlin seems like he might be one of the kids, you never know when he is sick. He hasn't stopped smiling, laughing, or talking. He is such an angel. He weighed 15 pounds and 1.5 oz and was 25 1/8 inches tall. My big buddy!

Saturday night was kinda scary listening to him wheeze and cough. It almost sounded like he was struggling to breath at times. Of course he slept in mommy and daddy's room the rest of that night and Sunday. I was so glad that my Angel Care monitor arrived yesterday afternoon. We originally purchased one before Portlin's arrival but after a few months had past and we never took it out of the box, we returned it. I then had a lady make me feel like mother of the year one Friday afternoon. We purchased a swing from a lady in Clarksville and she offered to sell us her monitor. I kindly declined and told her we purchased one but returned it. She looked at me like I had two heads. "What for? That monitor saved my best friend's child!" For weeks I felt guilty but then I forgot about it again until I saw those videos last week. We still had the giftcard from the return so I ordered it again. Lucky me, it was on sale this time! Any how, I got another email reminder that this month is SIDS Awareness month. Did I mention I was glad I received my monitor yesterday? Lol. I hadn't really lost much sleep over it but it was a sense of relief knowing I don't have to worry now. Until we have a false alarm and it scares the crap out of me! I here it happens but it worth it.

I have to report too that Portlin is doing a lot better with tummy time. He really enjoys the exercise ball. When he gets fussy Benjie turns him to his back, holds him by the legs, and rolls him around on the ball. Portlin loves it! He especially likes to turn upside down and watch cartoons. Yes, we bribe Portlin into doing tummy time with cartoons. The kid loves tv, although mommy worries it is mind rot!

I finally made it to the allergy doctor. This was a much needed appointment that I've put off way too long. This is my third day on steroids, antibiotics, and a nasal ointment and I can't tell you how much better I feel already. Dr. Bressler said he really hadn't seen someone as bad as me in a while. Of course, I had to admit that my nasal passages were rotting out due to my addiction to Vicks nasal spray. I can now say I am 1 1/2 days clean! I can't wait to go back for allergy testing next week and begin my daily regimen to feel better for good. Why had I waited so long to do this as miserable as I have been for years? I read an article saying people with severe asthma tend to have bad allergies. Go figure!

Bonus pictures, because I don't think I post enough! Lol!

Emotional Days

I'm not sure why, but I've been really emotional all week. Being a parent and feeling like you're good at it isn't easy. I struggle so much knowing my husband would work to allow me to stay at home with Portlin but my job is wonderful and my benefits are even better. The first three months of Portlin's life have flown by. Obviously in the first two months he got the attention he deserved from mommy but babies mostly sleep so it was easy. Since I've been back to work, we've not had much time to focus on the real meat and potatoes of learning with Portlin. He hasn't had much tummy time or play time and you can see it in his abilities. We've been so focused on getting his acid reflux under control that we've missed the boat on playing with toys, learning to hold his head up, and reaching for things. I've turned into a worry wart this week because Benjie noticed Portlin's head is flat from where he lays all the time. I'm thinking it's time for another doctor's appointment. Dr. Campbell told us, at all his other appointments, that he is doing well but I still worry. I guess it's better safe than sorry.
Portlin has always had strong neck muscles but we are noticing he isn't using his arms like we think he should. He will grasp a toy but doesn't seem interested in reaching for it or playing with it. He brings his hands to his mouth but doesn't seem interested in doing much else with them. Benjie has noticed that he can bring both of his hands to his mouth when his right hand leads but if you hold back his right arm his left arm seems confused. During tummy time he bears more weight on the right arm than the left one. I really hope we are just being paranoid.
While watching videos yesterday of other three month olds, I stumbled across some other very sad ones. People post memorial videos of their babies who have passed away from SIDS or due to still births. It's terrifying to watch. One video led to a mother's blog about losing her eight week old to SIDS. I cried watching Portlin sleep last night because I began to think about what I would do if something terrible like that happened to my precious boy. Benjie reminded me that if you can't prevent SIDS and it's God's will to bring him home, there is nothing I can do, so stop worrying! Easier said than done. I don't know how many times I have to tell myself the internet can be such a wonderful/terrible thing!
For now I'm going to continue to work with Portlin and I'll be calling to make him an appointment with the doctor soon. If I don't like what I hear, we may consider another opinion. Looking at him, you wouldn't think there is anything to worry about. Here's a picture of my sweet angel!

3 Months Old

 Portlin turned 3 months old yesterday!

 

Age: 3 months

Height: 24 5/8

Weight: 14 lbs. 13 oz

Milestones: Portlin loves to smile and giggle. He likes watching football with daddy and loves the outdoors. He and daddy go for a walk just about every night and water the flowers together.He also likes taking baths with mommy, for now!

Sleep: He is still a good sleeper. Eats between 6:30-7:30 each night and asleep by 8:00-8:30. Sleeps until 2:00-2:30, eats and then straight back to bed. Usually awake and raring to go for the day by 5:30-6:00.

Best Moment: I love to hear Portlin laugh. I have a video of him giggling that I watch everyday at work when I think of him!
Worst Moment:  He still hates his car seat. Mommy has to ride in the back to keep him from crying.
Health: Um..... almost 15 pounds at 3 months. I'd say he is healthy! Everyone thinks he is 5 months. He is my healthy buddy that's for sure. 

Eating: He eats like a champ obviously. Daddy tells people we've had to chain down the kitchen sink to keep him from eating it. He gets oatmeal with each bottle. I'm sure he'll be eating baby food early!

Teeth: No teeth yet.

Extra comments: Portlin is such a joy. He is becoming his own person each and everyday and I thank God for my precious little baby boy!

Grateful

My heart is heavy today for a sweet little boy and his family. Although I've never met Lane Goodwin, I feel like I know him through his mom's post on his facebook page. Now that I'm a mom, I can't even imagine what that family is going through. There are so many children affected by cancer, it doesn't seem fair! I pray for peace and comfort for Lane and his family and any others dealing with cancer.
I am taking the time to thank God today for my wonderful little miracle and to pray that I never have to face the "monster" that Lane's family has had to face. It took a lot of time, tears, and faith for me to receive Portlin and I couldn't bare the thought of giving him up at such an early age. Thank you Lord for my precious little boy!
We made it back to church this Sunday and it was a welcomed change in our ever so changing routine. Portlin did well in the nursery. Of course mommy had to check in but the nursery volunteers had it under control. I am so appreciative of my church family and those willing to watch my child. I look forward to the days when Portlin understands what it means to love and live for God. We have two sweet angels living with God and I look forward to the day that I can explain to Portlin that his angel siblings brought his mommy and daddy closer to the man upstairs and allowed us to realize the importance of making sure he grows up in church. The wonderful people at Edgewood will no doubt be instrumental in making Portlin the man he will be one day. For that I'm Grateful!

My Heart Today

Well Portlin went to the doctor Tuesday and Dr. Campbell says we weren't putting enough oatmeal in his bottle. I'm not sure where we went wrong but apparently Mrs. Betty's recommendations weren't exactly accurate! We've made the changes and it seems to be working. I think this too is just a temporary fix until his body decides it's done with that solution but I hope I'm wrong!  He seems to be doing well, and we've recently discovered he loves watching cartoons in the morning.

On a different note, my heart is both overjoyed and saddened all at the same time today. A good friend gave birth to her son today. Seeing her picture and the joy on her face reminds me of how special having a child really is.  Another friend posted on her blog that she and her husband were not chosen, again, as adoptive parents. My heart just breaks for her because I know how badly she wants children and I know the feeling of disappointment she has. When I read things like that it makes me want to reach out to all the women in the world who have difficulties getting pregnant or who are dealing with the adoption process. I know it can be so heart breaking! I want to be that success story that gives them hope and makes them understand that our God is an awesome God. We are on his timeline and he knows what's best and one day those women will see the whole picture just as I have. Help me pray for those special people who are struggling right now with infertility and disappointment. Pray they receive peace and understanding through faith in our Lord.

First Day

After reading several blogs over the last few months I thought I'd give blogging a chance myself.  Today begins another day of battling my son's acid reflux.  After several weeks of normalcy he is back to throwing up, so back to the doctor he goes.
It's hard to believe Portlin is almost 3 months old already. It's been full of highs and lows but I can honestly say now that I can't thank God enough for the wonderful, most perfect and precious gift he has given me.  After experiencing two miscarriages, endometriosis, and a long battle with mono I wasn't sure I would ever get to this place. The first two pregnancies came easy but obviously didn't last long. It took us six months to receive the news of our special little boy. I remember the day so vividly. Benjie cried as usual and I was so overjoyed but it was tough. Knowing that I have had two miscarriages it made me so apprehensive. I knew I would have to take shots daily and continue my aspirin regimen. Luckily it worked and my pregnancy was fairly pleasant until the last two weeks. Poor fella didn't want to make his entrance into the world on his own, so after being two weeks overdue I was scheduled for induction.  Still, stubborn like his momma, he wanted to stay put, so I ended up having a c-section. The procedure itself wasn't so bad but the recovery took a lot longer than I would have wanted. I've been itching for life to get back to normal but I've realized, my old normal will never be again.
My evenings are filled by dinner preparation, bottle washing, baby feeding, and laundry usually. By then momma doesn't feel much like working out like she use to! During our fertility journey Benjie and I were able to start a weight loss journey as well. We both lost a lot of weight. I was feeling pretty good about myself, so the change in my body after pregnancy wasn't welcomed and it's been difficult to embrace the new me. The motivation I once had is gone. I'd have to say that's been the most difficult part of having Portlin. I just have to look at his precious face and listen to his sweet giggle to remember it was all worth it. I truly can't imagine life without him now. He is the center of my world and I feel like the luckiest woman on earth to have him and his daddy.

Since Portlin's birth a lot has gone on so here's a little background about him.  He was born at 2:48 pm at the Bowling Green Medical Center. He weighed 8 pounds and 10 1/2 ounces and was 20 inches long.  At his last doctors appointment just after his two month mark, he weighted 14 pounds and 4 ounces and was 24 inches long. Our little buddy isn't so little anymore. He loves watching tv (especially football) and the fan keeps him entertained for a while. He loves his babysitter Mrs. Peggy and his Papaw Parker can make him laugh so hard. He barely fits in 3 month clothes. We tried his Halloween costume on him. Unfortunately it fits now which means it probably won't in two months. What a blessing to have a healthy baby. We continue to struggle with his acid reflux but it isn't something we can't handle. Dad is taking him back to the doctor since he started throwing up again yesterday and wasn't able to hold down any food last night.  An update will follow later. Here are some pictures of our little buddy that are special to mom.

1 month

2 month

I'm a big boy. Trying to hold my own bottle.

 .

Not liking our costume too much!